Words: Toby Harris
Too pee or not to pee
We’re all familiar with the dilemma: queue for the toilet, or hold it in (accompanied by some ungainly dancing about) and stay with your friends? The answer? Neither. The smart festival-goer should be able to answer the call of nature without losing everyone they came with – potentially for the whole rest of the weekend while wandering, wailing friends’ names in absurd desperation. So here’s our first festival hack: take a giant inflatable with you (what else?). That way, you can stray from the pack and always be sure to spot your mates in the crowd.
All that dancing – whether to the music, or your special need-the-loo jive – can be thirsty work. But you may as well forget the water fountains, the queues for which are often mind-bogglingly mad. The clever festival-goer never neglects to pack a Camelbak filled with water – emphatically not booze – to avoid dehydration. Trust us, waking up at 5am to weird drumming from the tent next door, shouting and the hangover from hell and you’ll thank us that it’s not neat vodka in there.
A portable phone charger is a must, especially when it comes to meeting up for the journey home. And do book your return cab in advance. No one has a sense of humour after three days of Portaloos, no showers and a diet of unindentified meat and potato products. You’ll want to get home.
Among the crowds, the air can get dense and dirty, so take a bandana to cover your mouth – otherwise you never know what you might swallow. Grim, we know.
Cream of the crop
If you’re not a fan of the water-filled backpack, grab a disguised water flask in the form of sun cream. Fewer people will pester you for a cheeky swig. Yup, you can thank us later (with a swig – we promise we won’t let on).